That I love to finish a bottle of grigio by myself while ugly crying to a foreign movie with subtitles where everyone loses
That I really enjoy running, and even more so when it hurts, so I’m not quite sure if I’m a masochist or not.
That I think talking about intimate things with strangers is the best way to get unbiased opinions about my life and trials
That I’m not sure if I’m actually emotionally unavailable or just a douche bag
That the first time I took a class on art theory, I came to the conclusion that there shouldn't be theories on art
That I think there’s a fine line of being lost and in control
That I think the best way to get over a break is by drinking a bottle of wine while dancing to your favorite music, until you break down and cry at the reality of the situation
That my mum loves perfection, and I continually strive for her approval
That I hate when people put chewed gum on their glass or plate.
That I’m the most social unsocial person at the same time
That I’m pursuing a degree in biology, and slowly coming to the realization that science majors don’t sleep.
That after my first time I cried which made him cry, and then we read the bible and he took me home
That I like doing simple minded tasks, because my life is so fast paced
That I'm confused with the people who come to lecture late, then proceed to sleep
That i'm annoyed with people who protest things they don't know about
That my parents pay my rent
That when I see any type of animal in it’s baby version I immediately need to own
That I think that people who only go to church on Easter Sunday are odd
That I don’t appreciate the gym being packed the first week of January
That I think people who have fights over social media are silly, but I will still probably read it
Now you know me.
Friday, 27 September 2013
“I like to party with my bosses, they go hard. They’re married so I don’t have to worry about my dancing being taken in a wrong way.” This the statement I overheard on my way home on the bus. I’m a sophomore in college, and over hearing the scandalous endeavors of my fellow colleagues is a bit all too regular to me. However today, this one by far has taken the cake. When I heard this, I had to know who was stating such an erroneous thing. I looked over to see the comment came from an average size, unnatural red-headed girl in a black t-shirt. She was nothing special nor new nor different, just the average run in the mill college student. So I got to thinking, is this the kind of thing that average people think is okay on the regular? As I pondered this I came to the realization that all people cannot be generalized in one category, and the same goes for their morals. Everyone has gone through their own unique socialization process that has In turn, created them with their own moral compass. Their moral compass guides them emotionally, and tells them whether what they’re doing is good or bad. So this girl, why did her moral compass not steer her out of the way of her boss, and for that matter a married man? I wanted to inform her that her argument was invalid for the shear fact that “grinding” on a married man is actually worse, then again, what is a married man doing letting such a girl press up against him on the dance floor. This is usually where people forget that there is a second party in the equation who is just as guilty. Why is there a married man at a party dancing with women, even worse so, an employee? So what is that saying about his moral compass? There are certain things in this world that I would think should be taken as universals but sadly aren’t. My idea for what is right could be seen as wrong and vice versa. We all have a way of thinking and doing thing. We all have our own personal ideals that we let determine the way in which our life is lead. So is it right to judge someone else’s moral compass? Yes, no, possibly so. Whatever answer it is doesn’t really matter because we’ll do it anyway. We all do it intentionally and unintentionally. Take into account a girl dressed in a provocative and scandalous way. In our heads we already have the preconceived notion that girl is “loose, a tramp, a skank, a slut, an nymph of the pave” etcetera. Why do we think this way? Because our moral compass tells us wearing such a thing is to the point of disgust and immorality. However, from her perspective maybe her mom, sister, aunt, or just someone she really admired wore a similar style. Maybe she wore it and no one told her it was wrong. So is he really at fault? So many questions with answers that lead to more questions. In the end, everyone is free to choose for themselves. Although, personally I have a way I believe life should be lived, everyone has their form of guidance.
Wednesday, 5 June 2013
Love. What is it? Is it a taste, a smell, a feeling, a desire, or a disaster? Truth is, love can be all these things. All these sensations can be associated with the person you've fallen deeply deeply in love with. Think back to the first time you started dating someone. You know how every little thing magically reroutes your thoughts or conversation back to them. "I burnt my tongue on my cup of coffee this morning which actually reminds me of the time (insert name) did the exact same thing!". Yes, it's an everyday occurrence, or something that isn't even that ground breaking, but since it happened to your special someone, it is worth bringing up. I've even been guilty of such things myself, but later in life I've realized that it was only infatuation masked with the allure of love. Now in my life, I have no idea what the word still means or entails. Over the years I've had a chance to meet numerous incredible people, yet I still never felt that "Head over heels" feeling. Yes they were nice, great smile, and even greater people, yet I always knew something was missing. Is it me? Is it my problem? Can I not love or do I just choose not to love? The inner struggle and unending debate has still wrestled on in my quest. Currently I am in a relationship and I have loads of love for him, but I believe this is different than being IN love. I have yet to determine the ways of my bipolar feelings. One minute I can't stand to be away from him, and the next, I much rather keep to myself and little to no communication is fine by me. I know what some people may think. The typical psychologist answer would point straight to the parents and how their relationship has put an impression on mine. Well, sorry to burst that bubble, but my parents have been happily married for 30+ years. This lovely dilemma is all me. Although I have been classified as fickle by many, is it really fair to label someone who is trying to figure out what they want out of a future forever mate? I personally think not. My current beau believes love starts off at attraction, and you grow to love the person you're with. This could be true. Maybe love isn't grand, it's not like the movies where you happen to be doing your own thing, and out of nowhere you catch eyes with a person and know that they're the ones you want to spend the rest of your life with. Love isn't fun, it takes time, persistence, and patience. So why is it always displayed as this wonderful thing that everyone must do? Personally my fantasy involves me in the cliche setting of a coffee bar reading some alternative writings or drowning my unceasing thoughts in a cup of dark coffee, and locking eyes with a stranger doing the exact same thing. He's tall and mysterious with an understated raw sexiness about him. He approaches my window side table, and can't help but feel like he knows me. He sits down without being welcomed, (that being a metaphor for coming into my life unexpected) and introduces himself. We talk for hours, like old friends who have been reunited. During our conversation he can't help but fall in love with my wit and charm and all the quirks associated with me. As for myself, I, can't help but feel a feeling of wholeness or completion. Like my life has changed forever. Like the unending hunt for finding someone who understands me and I them is over and now a new life is set in motion. But like all fantasies, the very clear and unfortunate reality of my life creeps in. A few months into the relationship we actually find out that we are two completely different people with two completely different lives. My problem is, I can't help but be a bit selfish with my time. I'm quite the busy woman with all my studies and research pursuing my degree in biology. But love is a partnership, and a team effort which I have gradually started to learn this. My beau is a great teacher in this aspect, and I feel as though I am getting closer to what being in love is. But for now, love is still in question.